Essential Oil Cologne

For those that question my commitment to this blog, I spent last night making concoctions in my kitchen, rubbing them over my hairy body and forcing my wife to sniff and snort my epidermis to see which of these colognes turned her into a puddle of pleasure.

I’m not going to lie – a few of the blends were disastrous to the senses. My “woodsmen” was more like a lumberjack’s asshole and my “David Hasselhoff” was hardly the Baywatch edition I was hoping for. It was more like the drunk, eating a hamburger off the floor edition Hasselhoff. (That’s a thing…google it)

So why essential oils colognes? Here are a just a few simple reasons:

  1. Most colognes are alcohol based – which means they will dry out your skin (which we have already learned is bad) and also evaporates quickly (which means the smell doesn’t last.) This, of course, does not apply to the guy that wears Drakkar Noir because that smell is never, ever, ever wearing off. At least it pairs well with the scent of his recent divorce and the year he peaked, circa 1993.
  1. Secondly, let’s look at a typical cologne ingredient deck:

Does any of that sound like something you should be spraying on your already decaying body? Trendy colognes are a toxic waste dump. It’s time to go all-natural.

So here they are…two tested and approved, all-natural colognes, guaranteed to get your dinky stinky or your money back.



  • Get a 10ml Roller Bottle (they are super cheap)
  • Fill it about 7/8 full of Jojoba Oil (or other non-scented carrier if you prefer)
  • Add Essential Oils Recipe
  • Shake well and rub it on wrists, and neck. (Avoid clothing!)






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